Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
