WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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