I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
