need another drink. this is the easiest way
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
