All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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