I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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