yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
