is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
