We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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