dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
