you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
