I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Green mimosas i think yes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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