AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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