I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
