There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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