Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
