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remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
