either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
