I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
