Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
