good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
