Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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