What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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