I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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