yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
