It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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