you would pick up someone in the library
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
