WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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