my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
