she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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