She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
