I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
