plz talk dirty to me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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