we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize