I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
