I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
