yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
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