I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
why is half of my head shaved?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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