i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
