Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
