if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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