Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
