watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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