my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
