i just sent this text using only my big toe
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
