Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Congratulations! We have a period
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