well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
