They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
