these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I looked at my own cervix.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
