Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
