Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
