clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
