I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
