So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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