It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
