hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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