if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
