Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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