I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
