he wants to bone in the snuggie
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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