shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he puts the penis in happiness.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
