dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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