So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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