When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
