$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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