Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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