two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know her cup size but not her name....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
