Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
