Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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