This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
