her vagine was all disorganized.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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